In other news, I’m hopelessly addicted to the tv show Glee. I hate the term “Gleek” because I’m a bit elitist when it comes to fan names, but I’m so irrevocably in love with the television show despite its many flaws  (plot? storyline? consistency?) but I adore it as a satire and the fact that it brings me singing and dancing every week. I love how it’s a show that gets to showcase so many young talents, I like how the cast actually gets along and their dynamic. I harbor not-so-secret crushes on Harry Shum Jr and Chris Colfer (Chris Colfer? Please never change) and the music. They sing everything from dance/techno to broadway to classic rock.  Anyone who has seen the eclectic contents of my iPod or iTunes library will understand.

Meanwhile, I’ve been listening to leaked Glee songs and rocking out like a rockstar. I also found out that I heard the Canto version of Air Supply’s “All Out of Love” and Olivia Ong’s cover before I heard the original. This is not an uncommon occurrence. Go me.

Also, I woke up today and I could not move. Hello sore muscles, I haven’t felt you since the last time I did 50 lunges on each leg.

This makes shelving books… interesting.

I hate high shelves.

I was then confronted by a huge-ass spider sitting on my bed.

I swear all my thoughts just turned into SILENT HILL RADIO STATIC.

So there it was, chillin’ like a villain, and I was trying to find a piece of paper that I didn’t need to get it off my bed.

And then my iPod started playing Katamari Damacy’s “Lonely Rolling Star”. …I think it was mocking me.

I managed to get the spider outside. I REALLY HOPE IT DOESN’T HAVE FRIENDS.

• Worked at Canaday from 4 AM to 8 AM. (Actually worked for two hours, and did some of my own work.) Oh insomnia, I hate you. Canaday also needs student workers there at all times, so I guess that’s how that’s playing out.
• Crawled into bed  a 8 AM, woke up just in time to miss the Blue Bus for my Chinese drills. Again.  Sent incredibly awkward and apologetic email to professor explaining circumstances.
• Checked email, was told that  not only did the OIP not only didn’t receive my pre-departure notice, but they also lost my study release forms and documents. Cue freaking out, emergency appointment with my dean who’s still just as confused as I am.
• Went to OIP, went back and forth between student intern and the dean in charge. They said the pre-departure form is okay because I already signed it (they just don’t have it…?) and I need to redo my study abroad release forms + documents + health insurance by the 4 PM meeting.
• Attempted to wait at Haverford’s HCA office to figure out if Melody and I would be homeless this summer. I think the lady was at lunch. Rushed to  Japanese Civ class while Melody waited.
• Surprise! Group presentation is totally not 20 minutes. More like a half hour. My group is supposed to present on Thursday. Group mini-panic attack. FUN TIMES.
• Got back to campus, rushed around to get study abroad release form done (again). Dug through my sad “STARBUCKS FUND” coin jar for change to make photocopies because I currently do not possess any cash or change. Classy.
• Obstacle– what the fuck do they mean when they ask for my policy number? … What did I put down last time? I don’t know! Guess I have to reschedule myself to miss part of my Comp. Urb class (again!) tomorrow so I have time to ask other people what that means.
• I received a postcard from HKU saying they received my application. I know you guys received my application because I was billed the application fee. (Truth be told, I’ve never been more happy to see a credit card bill in my life.)
• HCA housing email! YES. THERE IS REJOICING. I will not be homeless this summer. Problem! Inaccurate emergency contact information.  If I get knocked unconscious, authority figures will end up calling my own cell phone instead of my parents. Yeah, that’s going to be really helpful.
• Also, I can’t access the online lease because it insists my Bryn Mawr login is incorrect and it’s hosted at Haverford.edu. WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME.
• Melody managed to get it to work on her laptop. I love her. We signed the lease and feel like badass adults.
• 15 page paper is haunting me because people are recalling my books. FML.
• Trying to budget all my spending is a mess because I am terrible at being a responsible adult and I only have tentative plans to finish all my finals early and go home. Also, HKU application fee + surprise expenses add up. Lovely.
• Become slightly hysterical at the prospect of working only 12 hrs/week this summer. Try to find a second job; craigslist search is not incredibly helpful unless I want to sit around in very little clothing in random strangers’ apartments.
• Finding out my dad deposited $100 of my summer earnings… into the wrong bank account. As in, the bank account I do not have access to because they sent my new debit card to my home address.
• I don’t want to– but I need to participate in a Psych study because it’s means $20 in cash after an hour and a half of answering questions.
• I will probably be working at Canaday just as late today because a) I need money b) they need people. I dislike working at Canaday around this time of the semester because people are loud and obnoxious. And my headphones broke so I can’t block them out.
• Conclusion: I hate my life. I hate my life so hard. If tonight’s episode of Glee isn’t happy, I will punch someone in the throat. I wish money wasn’t so crucial right now because I do not want to end up completely broke this summer during my stint of ~trying to be independent~. Because that would be embarrassing and would signify that I’m totally not ready to go off to Hong Kong for a semester.

Seriously, self?  Next time you think you can take four courses (two 200-level and Intensive Chinese should be considered a 200 level course), two PE classes, tutor, volunteer at FACTS, work 12 hours every pay period at the library, and juggle study abroad paperwork (visa papers!) and housing forms for this summer/finding a second job?

THINK AGAIN.

I have two papers:  one fifteen page paper for Chinese Revolution on the Rape of Nanjing (4/30) but I need to get it edited by the writing center before 4/28. I have a 20-25 page paper for Cities on the Role of Language in Colonial and Post-Colonial Hong Kong (4/23) and a presentation (4/19).

I have a group paper and project presentation for Japanese Civ (4/22) and two other papers for the class (one due 4/12 and another due 4/29) and some shorter two page write-ups in between. I’m done with my part of the paper, but we still need to get together as a group to edit.

I have housing forms to fill out to stay in the area this summer (which includes deposits, a ton of paperwork and money I don’t have right now) with Melody . I think applications go up on 4/23.

I have study abroad apps and paperwork— my actual application to HKU and all the signatures (including from my Dean, whom I don’t really want to see after the last incident), release forms, and deposits. The deadlines are all over the place but I’m trying to get them done by Wednesday of next week.

I also have Chinese homework/studying, my Chinese Final (5/5), work at the library, two P.E. classes (pilates twice a week, Project Fitness 1 hr class and 1 hr of outside class work out sessions until 4/26), a Chinese Revolution self-scheduled final exam,I’m participating in a Psych study but they still haven’t sent me information about when they want me to come in, and I’m volunteering at the FACTS charter school in Philly every Friday (which I may have to cancel next week due to work overload) and just ahhhhhhhh.

[/end stressing out]

I’m probably making a mountain out of a molehill, but um, I’d like to go crawl into a hole and hide there for the rest of the semester. Just sayin’.

So I’m pretty much giving up on studying at the library and high-tailing it back to my dorm room to finish my readings and trying to reorganize my life and possibly contemplate my place in the universe.

Right.

Awesome.

A guy was yelling at his (ex? seems like, it from the conversation) girlfriend who was in the car. He was bent over her car window. He kept saying stuff like “DON’T YOU LEAVE ME, I HAVE GIVEN UP EVERYTHING FOR YOU. YOU, YOU ALWAYS DO THIS” and kept her from pulling out of the lot. In any case, it made me incredibly uncomfortable and a little worried that it would escalate to something worse.

I called Public Safety. I honestly hope that was the right call?

Maybe I was just being over-cautious, but seriously, that guy was all up in her space and yelling loud enough for me to hear from my window.

That said, now I’m trying to calm myself the hell down because now I keep thinking about ex who was, in retrospect, somewhat emotionally and verbally abusive. (Aaaand on one occasion, physically abusive.) He was an all-around jackass.  But yeah, I’m still shaky and not entirely all right.

Starbucks will probably help.

There are knots up and down my spine, little coils of tension. My bones feel heavy–leaden–but my mind’s far too alert. It’s musing over too many things, over-analyzing over personal interactions, and quietly freaking out over the immediate and relative future.

When this happens (and it does) and not even a good book or any of my relaxing music playlists work, I grab a pencil and turn to art.

I harbor no illusions about my (lack of) artistic talent and I don’t say this out of modesty. I’m not artistically talented. I have friends who are brilliant and I’ve seen them work and their artwork is breath-taking. It’s like how I don’t have a way with words but I write anyway. I draw when I’m stressed, when I can’t sleep, because it’s soothing. Because it requires soft concentration and maybe one of these days, I’ll improve.

The breeze from the open window is pleasantly cool while his head spins with variables and equations and his eyeballs feel like they’re about to fall out of their eye sockets.

Oh, gross.

He can’t help but thinks how this could have been all avoided if he didn’t leave studying to the last minute– like how he always leave everything to the last minute– and he has no one else to blame but himself. And he needs a good grade on this test, like, he can’t fail this course because it’s for his fucking major–

Physics.

Seriously.

Worst idea ever.

At 4 AM, he’s lucky he if even knew his own name.

What were nonconservative forces again? Didn’t he learn this in AP Physics B? In high school?

The next time he looks up, it’s 4:15 AM and his first class is in four hours. If he goes to bed now, maybe he’ll get up in time to review before class.

(In reality, he knows he’ll wake up ten minutes before class and will have to sprint across campus.)

The throbbing in his temples is causing him to have double vision.

He sighs and puts down his pencil.

Sleep it is.

Nowhere to be seen.

This is problematic since I’m terrible at L13. It’s on sports and it involves vocabulary that isn’t instinctive to me. :[ I think this means I need to send awkward emails to classmates pleading for notes. Which requires… trying to remember who actually takes notes in class.

I don’t think Avery and Claire take notes– otherwise it’ll be convenient to ask them since they live in my dorm…

2. Avatar: The Last Airbender is my new favorite TV show.  :D

3. I should be working on my paper. I am currently rocking out to J-rock bands. Problematic. (Hello Ellegarden and Asian Kung-fu Generation, you guys are my favorite.)

4. I am cursing the fact that Facebook is down. Um, I kind of need to contact people for notes! :( Emails makes everything more awkward, sad as it sounds.

5. Reveling in the fact that Daft Punk makes some of the best multipurpose music ever. Study music, shelving books music… :)

6. I make fun of BoA’s American debut pretty frequently, but I really like “Obsessed”. It’s on my “Creeper Like Edward Cullen” playlist aka “STALKER SONGS”.

It’s fantastically creeptastic.

Take this line for example: I could get arrested carrying on this way.

I do not understand why stalkerish behavior is considered attractive to some girls?  I’m always tempted to throw Gavin de Becker’s The Gift of Fear at them.

7.  Dear god, why am I not working on my Cities rough draft? I have 7 pages. I need at least 10 by tomorrow.  I’m pretty sure that at this point, I’m just making stuff up about Hong Kong and Algerian history because five of my books have been recalled by the library.

8.  Andrea and I have decided that I’m Ty Lee to her Mai which is pretty true. Just, ahem, not like this. Despite certain rumors on campus.

9. I will rejoice in the day when my older cousins will stop asking me awkward questions about my love life.

10. I lack so much self-control that I’ve invented a reward system for myself. Whenever I finish a page, I reward myself with an episode of Avatar. … It kind of works?

11. I’m not a fan of “surprise expenses”. My Skullcandy earphones died so I had to order a new pair and I splurged on a backup pair of Sennheiser headphones for my laptop. I don’t think my neighbors appreciate me listening to the same Alanis Morrissette song on repeat. Or incomprehensible nu-metal and syrupy-sweet J-pop for that matter.

12. I love that moment when you’re listening to a Japanese song and realize that no, wait– that’s actually English.

13. My tumblr is terrible for procrastination. It’s also a great way for me to indulge my inner nerd.  Hayao Miyazaki picspam? DON’T MIND IF I DO. :D I also think I’m incapable of not reblogging anything Mulan or Mean Girls-related that comes up on my dashboard.

Mixing up deadlines, falling behind on Chinese characters, accidentally destroying (and almost-destroying) belongings due to a combination of bad luck and terrible balance?

It happens.

Meditation, food, and music will help and it actually is helping.

Food especially, since my two PE classes have made me hungry. All the time. I plan on stocking up on some healthy snacks (hummus, celery, baby carrots, etc.) because having only two meals a day is totally not going to work this semester.