I’LL MAKE THIS PAINLESS, TRY TO BE SWEET– I COULD BREAK YOUR HEART ANY DAY OF THE WEEK
Apropos nothing.
ME: … Wait, are you breaking up with me over Facebook?
ANDREA: I’m simplifying my life.
ME: … NOT EVEN THROUGH A TEXT MESSAGE, OVER FACEBOOK?
ANDREA: Well…
ME: … I’m breaking up with you first! *pause* See, I AM NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU ANYMORE.
ANDREA: My facebook profile is now so much less cluttered! … But you will never be clutter to me, Stacy.
ME: … Stop molesting my ankle. I think it’s clear that I am clutter to you because you wanted to break up with me over Facebook. BUT I STILL BROKE UP WITH YOU FIRST SO HAH.
ANDREA: I have class now. Bye wifey.
ME: NOT ANYMORE. SINCE I BROKE UP WITH YOU.
Yeah, Andy and I are hetero-life partners (in a romantic, straight, completely unaroused fashion). Also, I am as passive-aggressive as Helga G. Pataki in “April Fool’s Day” and I’m all right with that.
The subject title is totally stolen from Mandy Moore’s I Can Break Your Heart Any Day of the Week. I’ve been a fan of hers since I was nine and am totally not ashamed of it.
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