tri-co: days five, six, and seven
So, Friday started with all of us getting the ever lovin’ shit scared out of us by a guy named Dr. Payne (pronounced “pain” and no, I am not making this up) who acts and sounds a lot like Lewis Black only a lot more bitter (a la House). His sole purpose in life is to traumatize freshmen (“STUDY THREE FUCKING HOURS A DAY”).
Later that night we had a “No Talent Talent Show. It was actually pretty amazing. There was a Tri-Co superheroes skit where everyone parodied the stuff we learned. Adam’s part was hysterical; I think I nearly cried laughing (“”With the power of LGBTIQXVZ…”). The group made a reference to Captain Planet when everyone in the skit put their hands on top of one another to vanquish the ignorance by “the bigots” by the power of Tri-Co Love.
“And you know what rocks?” Adam yelled to the audience, “Next week can get around to some Tri-Co Lovin’*.”
There were some truly excellent acts. Joe & Anson (they pretended to be each other), two SRPs (also incidentally the most attractive male ones– actually, no, that’s a lie since all of the male SRPs are pretty good-looking) accidentally flashed the audience (Anson revealing his rather impressive six-pack) while they took off their shirts to reveal the ones underneath. ‘Twas hilarious. Anson’s reaction was priceless; his eyes widened comically and he looked so scandalized. (Oh no~! THIS COULD LEAD TO TRI-CO LOVIN’.)
Two of the SRPs then parodied Dr. Payne (two of them pretended to be “Dr. Sorrow” & “Dr. Hurtz” and their credential were random acronyms including WTF) and then gave us their version of his powerpoint presentation.
“YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE YOU’RE DUMB. YOU KNOW WHY YOU DON’T KNOW THIS ANSWER? IT’S BECAUSE YOU SHOULD BE IN THE LIBRARY STUDYING RIGHT NOW.”
“You know why _______? BECAUSE YOU KILLED THE FUCKING DINOSAURS. BECAUSE YOU’RE DUMB.”
“Every day, you only have ten minutes to eat.”
“Turn to your right. Turn to your left. One of those people sitting next to you has an STD.”
“I CURSE A LOT SO I CAN RELATE TO CHILDREN.”
Everyone was just dying. Seriously. Dying. It was so spot-on. The talent show was pretty much a “you had to be there” thing, though I suppose the entire Tri-Co experience can be summed up as that too.
Yesterday we went to Philly! And by “we” I meant Lucian, Andrea, Silas, Molly, Anke, Kim, Sharon, and I.
Okay, first I need to describe Lucian because I may talk about him in the near future. He’s going to Haverford and he’s really really good at math. He’s really sweet and completely comfortable in his dorkitude; he’s witty and a great person to hang out with.
Anyway, Lucian has this amazing sense of direction. Andrea and I dubbed him as our human GPS device. He’s only been to Philly once when he was four, so. Anyway, it was a lot of fun and I ended up getting taro bubble tea. Mmmm. We walked all around Philly, went to the Afro-Caribbean festival (we found a “HOUSE OF PAYNE” magnet and we all cracked up, he can’t seem to escape him!), and Lucian at one point prank-called Joe by insisting he was Anson (“Wait, this is Anson, right? I want to talk about identity issues because I think I can relate to you. This is Anson. I mean, I dialed 1-800-SIXPACK.”).
Later, a bunch of us ordered Chinese (Lucian calculated everything to minimize the cost, so amused). We just sat around the Common Room and ate mediocre Chinese food. We had tons left over so we pretty much shared with anyone who wandered by.
After that was the trust-walk and it was decidedly tedious for us to get there, but the candlelit ceremony once we got to our destination was beautiful. When it was over, everyone was hugging everyone and I was tearing up. Tri-Co has been such an unbelievable experience for me. It exceeded all of my expectations and I don’t think I’ve ever met friendlier, honest people who want to do good in this world. There’s something hopeful and genuine about how close we had all gotten over the course of the program. Seven days. Less than that, even.
I love Tri-Co and I’m so sad that it’s over. It has honestly been one of the best experiences I’ve ever had and I wish I were a more assertive person because I’d totally volunteer to be an SRP next year.
Andrea and I had an appalling amount of stuff together. I got my giant-ass mini-fridge and crap downstairs by making sad eyes at nice Tri-Co guys who took pity at my small stature and utter lack of coordination. Also, Andrea’s parents were there to help us move stuff across campus (have I mentioned how creepy it is that Andrea’s mom and my mom have the same freaking car) and we then went to IHOP and shopping.
Andrea and I have finished unpacking and moving into our dorm. In pretty much less than an hour. We have window-seats! And old-fashioned shutters! And captain beds. Our room screams “VICTORIAN BOARDING SCHOOL FOR YOUNG LADIES”.
We’d totally take pictures if either of us had a digital camera…
*For some reason we are highly discouraged from engaging in inappropriate sexual conduct with other Tri-Co students during our one week program. Gee, I wonder why. However, now it’s no longer in effect. Tri-Co Lovin’ indeed.
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