grapefruit tea

I plan on going through and deleting/privating all my really boring entries (which is 80% of the crap I write) but I’m listening to Shiina Ringo right now and just, holy crap, this woman. Her voice gives me chills.

In other news, I’m hopelessly addicted to the tv show Glee. I hate the term “Gleek” because I’m a bit elitist when it comes to fan names, but I’m so irrevocably in love with the television show despite its many flaws  (plot? storyline? consistency?) but I adore it as a satire and the fact that it brings me singing and dancing every week. I love how it’s a show that gets to showcase so many young talents, I like how the cast actually gets along and their dynamic. I harbor not-so-secret crushes on Harry Shum Jr and Chris Colfer (Chris Colfer? Please never change) and the music. They sing everything from dance/techno to broadway to classic rock.  Anyone who has seen the eclectic contents of my iPod or iTunes library will understand.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

Done with the godforsaken paper! I reached the point where I couldn’t tell if it was good or terrible (or maybe just mediocre) but my brain went “oh hey, look, you have the page count!” I would be totally crashing right now if everyone else in the family were not awake and loud. (My sisters are going on the music department trip to see John Williams in concert. I am jealous. So so very jealous. John Williams.)

Meanwhile, I’ve been listening to leaked Glee songs and rocking out like a rockstar. I also found out that I heard the Canto version of Air Supply’s “All Out of Love” and Olivia Ong’s cover before I heard the original. This is not an uncommon occurrence. Go me.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

So yesterday Andrea got me and Zoe to accompany her to her martial arts practice.
My gymnastics background kept tripping me up which is a first. I’m so used to gymnastics helping me with yoga and pilates. So martial arts was entirely different from anything I’ve done (and I’m terrible) and now I have this urge to watch reruns of Dragonball Z.

Also, I woke up today and I could not move. Hello sore muscles, I haven’t felt you since the last time I did 50 lunges on each leg.

This makes shelving books… interesting.

I hate high shelves.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

.. I got back to my room and was ready to take a nap after a truly horrendous presentation in class. (We had a tight schedule so I had to rush through my section. D:)

I was then confronted by a huge-ass spider sitting on my bed.

I swear all my thoughts just turned into SILENT HILL RADIO STATIC.

So there it was, chillin’ like a villain, and I was trying to find a piece of paper that I didn’t need to get it off my bed.

And then my iPod started playing Katamari Damacy’s “Lonely Rolling Star”. …I think it was mocking me.

I managed to get the spider outside. I REALLY HOPE IT DOESN’T HAVE FRIENDS.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

TODAY:

• Worked at Canaday from 4 AM to 8 AM. (Actually worked for two hours, and did some of my own work.) Oh insomnia, I hate you. Canaday also needs student workers there at all times, so I guess that’s how that’s playing out.
• Crawled into bed  a 8 AM, woke up just in time to miss the Blue Bus for my Chinese drills. Again.  Sent incredibly awkward and apologetic email to professor explaining circumstances.
• Checked email, was told that  not only did the OIP not only didn’t receive my pre-departure notice, but they also lost my study release forms and documents. Cue freaking out, emergency appointment with my dean who’s still just as confused as I am.
• Went to OIP, went back and forth between student intern and the dean in charge. They said the pre-departure form is okay because I already signed it (they just don’t have it…?) and I need to redo my study abroad release forms + documents + health insurance by the 4 PM meeting.
• Attempted to wait at Haverford’s HCA office to figure out if Melody and I would be homeless this summer. I think the lady was at lunch. Rushed to  Japanese Civ class while Melody waited.
• Surprise! Group presentation is totally not 20 minutes. More like a half hour. My group is supposed to present on Thursday. Group mini-panic attack. FUN TIMES.
• Got back to campus, rushed around to get study abroad release form done (again). Dug through my sad “STARBUCKS FUND” coin jar for change to make photocopies because I currently do not possess any cash or change. Classy.
• Obstacle– what the fuck do they mean when they ask for my policy number? … What did I put down last time? I don’t know! Guess I have to reschedule myself to miss part of my Comp. Urb class (again!) tomorrow so I have time to ask other people what that means.
• I received a postcard from HKU saying they received my application. I know you guys received my application because I was billed the application fee. (Truth be told, I’ve never been more happy to see a credit card bill in my life.)
• HCA housing email! YES. THERE IS REJOICING. I will not be homeless this summer. Problem! Inaccurate emergency contact information.  If I get knocked unconscious, authority figures will end up calling my own cell phone instead of my parents. Yeah, that’s going to be really helpful.
• Also, I can’t access the online lease because it insists my Bryn Mawr login is incorrect and it’s hosted at Haverford.edu. WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME.
• Melody managed to get it to work on her laptop. I love her. We signed the lease and feel like badass adults.
• 15 page paper is haunting me because people are recalling my books. FML.
• Trying to budget all my spending is a mess because I am terrible at being a responsible adult and I only have tentative plans to finish all my finals early and go home. Also, HKU application fee + surprise expenses add up. Lovely.
• Become slightly hysterical at the prospect of working only 12 hrs/week this summer. Try to find a second job; craigslist search is not incredibly helpful unless I want to sit around in very little clothing in random strangers’ apartments.
• Finding out my dad deposited $100 of my summer earnings… into the wrong bank account. As in, the bank account I do not have access to because they sent my new debit card to my home address.
• I don’t want to– but I need to participate in a Psych study because it’s means $20 in cash after an hour and a half of answering questions.
• I will probably be working at Canaday just as late today because a) I need money b) they need people. I dislike working at Canaday around this time of the semester because people are loud and obnoxious. And my headphones broke so I can’t block them out.
• Conclusion: I hate my life. I hate my life so hard. If tonight’s episode of Glee isn’t happy, I will punch someone in the throat. I wish money wasn’t so crucial right now because I do not want to end up completely broke this summer during my stint of ~trying to be independent~. Because that would be embarrassing and would signify that I’m totally not ready to go off to Hong Kong for a semester.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

I don’t cry that often. The last time I cried was probably a few weeks ago (if you ignore my self-induced cryingfest last week when I purposefully put on Hachiko: A Dog’s Tale to let go some of residual emotions) but I’ve cried three times today. Three times. And mind you, they’re not full-on sobbing-like-an-emotionally-disturbed-child kind of crying, but just crying out of exhaustion, not enough sleep, stress, and constantly overbooking myself.

Seriously, self?  Next time you think you can take four courses (two 200-level and Intensive Chinese should be considered a 200 level course), two PE classes, tutor, volunteer at FACTS, work 12 hours every pay period at the library, and juggle study abroad paperwork (visa papers!) and housing forms for this summer/finding a second job?

THINK AGAIN.

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Stacy’s Daunting List of Things To Do/Why Being a Second Semester Sophomore Sucks

I have two papers:  one fifteen page paper for Chinese Revolution on the Rape of Nanjing (4/30) but I need to get it edited by the writing center before 4/28. I have a 20-25 page paper for Cities on the Role of Language in Colonial and Post-Colonial Hong Kong (4/23) and a presentation (4/19).

I have a group paper and project presentation for Japanese Civ (4/22) and two other papers for the class (one due 4/12 and another due 4/29) and some shorter two page write-ups in between. I’m done with my part of the paper, but we still need to get together as a group to edit.

I have housing forms to fill out to stay in the area this summer (which includes deposits, a ton of paperwork and money I don’t have right now) with Melody . I think applications go up on 4/23.

I have study abroad apps and paperwork— my actual application to HKU and all the signatures (including from my Dean, whom I don’t really want to see after the last incident), release forms, and deposits. The deadlines are all over the place but I’m trying to get them done by Wednesday of next week.

I also have Chinese homework/studying, my Chinese Final (5/5), work at the library, two P.E. classes (pilates twice a week, Project Fitness 1 hr class and 1 hr of outside class work out sessions until 4/26), a Chinese Revolution self-scheduled final exam,I’m participating in a Psych study but they still haven’t sent me information about when they want me to come in, and I’m volunteering at the FACTS charter school in Philly every Friday (which I may have to cancel next week due to work overload) and just ahhhhhhhh.

[/end stressing out]

I’m probably making a mountain out of a molehill, but um, I’d like to go crawl into a hole and hide there for the rest of the semester. Just sayin’.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

After an hour of squinting at my Japanese Civ readings, I’ve come to the conclusion that I probably have the wrong prescription contact in for my left eye (go me!). That and my allergies have smeared my waterproof (LIES, FILTHY FILTHY LIES MAYBELLINE) mascara everywhere to the point where I look like I had just broken up with my imaginary boyfriend and have been crying for hours.

So I’m pretty much giving up on studying at the library and high-tailing it back to my dorm room to finish my readings and trying to reorganize my life and possibly contemplate my place in the universe.

Right.

Awesome.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

Where is your mobile phone?: Desk.
Your significant other?: Non-existent.
Your hair?: Dyed.
Your mother?: Lovely.
Your father?: Warm-hearted.
Your favorite thing?: Sleep.
Your dream last night?: Ninjas.
Your favorite drink?: Tea.
Your dream/goal?: Lots.
The room you’re in?: Dorm.
Your ex?: Jerk.
Your fear?: Clowns.
Where do you want to be in six years?: Mystery.
Where were you last night?: Bed!
What you’re not?: Psychotic?
Muffins?: Cupcakes!
One of your wish list items?: Netbook!
Where you grew up?: Hippietown.
The last thing you did?: Laugh.
What are you wearing?: Undergarments.
Your TV?: None.
Your pets?: Fictional
Your computer?: Functional.
Your life?: Exists.
Your mood?: Sleepy.
Missing someone?: Several.
Your car?: Fictional.
Something you’re not wearing?: Pants.
Favorite Store?: Amazon.
Your summer?: Upcoming.
Like someone?: Heh.
Your favorite color?: Silver?
When is the last time you laughed?: Minutes.
Last time you cried?: Weeks.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

Overheard a seriously creepy conversation from my window overlooking the Merion parking lot.

A guy was yelling at his (ex? seems like, it from the conversation) girlfriend who was in the car. He was bent over her car window. He kept saying stuff like “DON’T YOU LEAVE ME, I HAVE GIVEN UP EVERYTHING FOR YOU. YOU, YOU ALWAYS DO THIS” and kept her from pulling out of the lot. In any case, it made me incredibly uncomfortable and a little worried that it would escalate to something worse.

I called Public Safety. I honestly hope that was the right call?

Maybe I was just being over-cautious, but seriously, that guy was all up in her space and yelling loud enough for me to hear from my window.

That said, now I’m trying to calm myself the hell down because now I keep thinking about ex who was, in retrospect, somewhat emotionally and verbally abusive. (Aaaand on one occasion, physically abusive.) He was an all-around jackass.  But yeah, I’m still shaky and not entirely all right.

Starbucks will probably help.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

My head’s buzzing like cicadas in the summer. Like background noise that you never wanted. Every now and then it simmers down to a low hum, but it starts up again.

There are knots up and down my spine, little coils of tension. My bones feel heavy–leaden–but my mind’s far too alert. It’s musing over too many things, over-analyzing over personal interactions, and quietly freaking out over the immediate and relative future.

When this happens (and it does) and not even a good book or any of my relaxing music playlists work, I grab a pencil and turn to art.

I harbor no illusions about my (lack of) artistic talent and I don’t say this out of modesty. I’m not artistically talented. I have friends who are brilliant and I’ve seen them work and their artwork is breath-taking. It’s like how I don’t have a way with words but I write anyway. I draw when I’m stressed, when I can’t sleep, because it’s soothing. Because it requires soft concentration and maybe one of these days, I’ll improve.

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I am: too cynical for my own good (and too idealistic too), so sick so sick of being tired (and oh so tired of being sick), guilty of quoting lyrics whenever I can, irrevocably irrevocably in love with a book I don’t have time to read, paranoid about my grades, certain about absolutely nothing, a shop-a-holic, unable to fall asleep without music, left wondering if I need to up my SPF because I’m freckling like crazy, still annoyed that my Brita Filter smells like sour milk, always dehydrated, an accidental kleptomaniac when it comes to pencils (oops), a terrible procrastinator, not a fan of  Lady Gaga’s “Telephone”, too irritable early in the morning, disappointed that the timing was off, sick of this tension headache that’s now a borderline migraine, oy.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

The breeze from the open window is pleasantly cool while his head spins with variables and equations and his eyeballs feel like they’re about to fall out of their eye sockets.

Oh, gross.

He can’t help but thinks how this could have been all avoided if he didn’t leave studying to the last minute– like how he always leave everything to the last minute– and he has no one else to blame but himself. And he needs a good grade on this test, like, he can’t fail this course because it’s for his fucking major–

Physics.

Seriously.

Worst idea ever.

At 4 AM, he’s lucky he if even knew his own name.

What were nonconservative forces again? Didn’t he learn this in AP Physics B? In high school?

The next time he looks up, it’s 4:15 AM and his first class is in four hours. If he goes to bed now, maybe he’ll get up in time to review before class.

(In reality, he knows he’ll wake up ten minutes before class and will have to sprint across campus.)

The throbbing in his temples is causing him to have double vision.

He sighs and puts down his pencil.

Sleep it is.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

1. I realized that I misplaced all my L13 notes. I mean, I thought I had them lying around somewhere- but after ransacking my entire room– um, nope.

Nowhere to be seen.

This is problematic since I’m terrible at L13. It’s on sports and it involves vocabulary that isn’t instinctive to me. :[ I think this means I need to send awkward emails to classmates pleading for notes. Which requires… trying to remember who actually takes notes in class.

I don’t think Avery and Claire take notes– otherwise it’ll be convenient to ask them since they live in my dorm…

2. Avatar: The Last Airbender is my new favorite TV show.  :D

3. I should be working on my paper. I am currently rocking out to J-rock bands. Problematic. (Hello Ellegarden and Asian Kung-fu Generation, you guys are my favorite.)

4. I am cursing the fact that Facebook is down. Um, I kind of need to contact people for notes! :( Emails makes everything more awkward, sad as it sounds.

5. Reveling in the fact that Daft Punk makes some of the best multipurpose music ever. Study music, shelving books music… :)

6. I make fun of BoA’s American debut pretty frequently, but I really like “Obsessed”. It’s on my “Creeper Like Edward Cullen” playlist aka “STALKER SONGS”.

It’s fantastically creeptastic.

Take this line for example: I could get arrested carrying on this way.

I do not understand why stalkerish behavior is considered attractive to some girls?  I’m always tempted to throw Gavin de Becker’s The Gift of Fear at them.

7.  Dear god, why am I not working on my Cities rough draft? I have 7 pages. I need at least 10 by tomorrow.  I’m pretty sure that at this point, I’m just making stuff up about Hong Kong and Algerian history because five of my books have been recalled by the library.

8.  Andrea and I have decided that I’m Ty Lee to her Mai which is pretty true. Just, ahem, not like this. Despite certain rumors on campus.

9. I will rejoice in the day when my older cousins will stop asking me awkward questions about my love life.

10. I lack so much self-control that I’ve invented a reward system for myself. Whenever I finish a page, I reward myself with an episode of Avatar. … It kind of works?

11. I’m not a fan of “surprise expenses”. My Skullcandy earphones died so I had to order a new pair and I splurged on a backup pair of Sennheiser headphones for my laptop. I don’t think my neighbors appreciate me listening to the same Alanis Morrissette song on repeat. Or incomprehensible nu-metal and syrupy-sweet J-pop for that matter.

12. I love that moment when you’re listening to a Japanese song and realize that no, wait– that’s actually English.

13. My tumblr is terrible for procrastination. It’s also a great way for me to indulge my inner nerd.  Hayao Miyazaki picspam? DON’T MIND IF I DO. :D I also think I’m incapable of not reblogging anything Mulan or Mean Girls-related that comes up on my dashboard.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

I’m having an emotional roller-coaster night.

Mixing up deadlines, falling behind on Chinese characters, accidentally destroying (and almost-destroying) belongings due to a combination of bad luck and terrible balance?

It happens.

Meditation, food, and music will help and it actually is helping.

Food especially, since my two PE classes have made me hungry. All the time. I plan on stocking up on some healthy snacks (hummus, celery, baby carrots, etc.) because having only two meals a day is totally not going to work this semester.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

Person: You… chirped.

Me: … It was a hiccup.

Person:…

Me: …

Me: … Yeah.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

My day thus far:

1. My Brita filter pitcher and my water now smells and taste like sour milk because I keep it in the communal fridge. A girl in the hall left her expired (in February!!) milk next to it. I am displeased.

2. I just learned that the rough draft of my 20 page paper for Cities is due next Monday. I thought it was due the Monday after next week. Uh, no.  HI, IF ANYONE NEEDS ME I’LL BE IN MY ROOM SOBBING HYSTERICALLY.

3. I also need a topic for my paper proposal for Chinese Revolution. I’m thinking: Rape of Nanjing,  May Fourth Movement: Change from Classical Chinese to Vernacular Chinese, or something about the Soong sisters and their influence on Chinese political history.

I need hugs. And chocolate. And hugs.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

1. 我不喜歡下雨的天氣。

2. I’m taking a Pilates class right now and I’m still not sure if I like it or not. It doesn’t come instinctively to me like yoga and gymnastics.  And oh, my poor abs. At least I know I’ve been ‘engaging my core’. However, Pilates is good for posture so it’ll make me stand taller– and I need all the help I can get in that department.

3. Whenever I get stressed out, I think of this “Every time someone uses ‘rofl’ in a text or IM, all I can picture is Scooby Doo trying to say ‘waffle’.  Andrea nearly keeled over laughing today when I told her this.

4. I’ve been listening to the Beatles “I Will” for the past half hour.

5. I’m never done with my work. Never. Ever. Welcome to Bryn Mawr.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

Jesus Christ, I need more platonic male friends.

Any volunteers?

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

The weather is perfect right now!  It’s so sunny, warm, and delightfully breezy. Low 70s. My ideal kind of weather. :D

I want to frolic outside but I’m afraid I have too much work to do. :[ My Japanese Civ on The Tale of Heike keeps giving me the stink eye.

My life has been incredibly boring lately which is why I haven’t been updated.

I study too much (but even that’s not enough), sleep too little, and spend all my money on food.

Every Friday, Andy and I go to FACTS (a charter school in Chinatown Philly) and we help third graders with math and science. Afterwards, we usually spend money on the world’s most delicious mango smoothies at a nearby bakery and have a late lunch/early dinner at David’s Mah Lai Wah. I really really love working with the kids in the class. I’m pretty good at it. I adore working with kids, they’re fantastic, funny, and adorable. It’s so rewarding when you help them and then they get it.  So now I keep remembering why I wanted to be a teacher when I was younger, after TAing at summer school before senior year of high school. (I think it’s a little too late for me, since it’s impossible for me to minor in education now. )

I have a job interview on Monday and I’m crossing my fingers.

On a completely unrelated note, I really really miss having Photoshop on my computer.

In conclusion: beautiful days like these are terrible for my work ethic. All I want to do is go outside and play.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

a wild goosechase

soundclick.com

nostalgia

a haunting voice

an unmistakable vibrato

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

Thank goodness for:

1. Understanding parents (of course, they’re only understanding since I’m gone most of the year)

2.  Libraries with free wifi.

3. Some semblance of self-discipline so I’ve gone through about half of all the readings I need for CITIES.

4. Indescribably beautiful weather. Goodbye Seasonal Affective Disorder!

5. Sleep.

My parents are getting a little concerned since I slept from 8 PM until 9 AM this morning. (In their words, “… Do you sleep at school? Ever?”)

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

1. I didn’t get the internship I wanted so I’m not going to Nanjing to teach English this summer. This means, I need to start applying for other internships… now. FML.

2. I watched Hachiko: A Dog’s Tale which is an excellent movie, but a complete tearjerker. I was anticipating that since I knew the story well, but still… I have never cried so hard due to a movie before. And now after just receiving news about #1, I feel like I should watch it again so I have an excuse to sob like an emotionally disturbed child.

3. I’m meeting Johnathan and possibly my friend Daveed soon. And my mascara survived my cryingfest (waterproof mascaras are a godsend), my eyeliner is smeared–everywhere.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

I’ve been wanting a netbook for over a year now.

My Macbook is too clunky and has too many scratches/dents from me hauling it to class.

A netbook, on the other hand, is tiny and portable which means it won’t threaten to split my bag when I lug it to class for note-taking.

The main thing that deters me is my gigantic music collection. I have over 38 GB and it takes too long to load on a Macbook, so I shudder to think of how long it’ll take on a tiny netbook. :[ And yeah, I’m definitely one of Those People who can’t be without their music.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

My mom has been teaching my fourteen year old sister Chinese (Mandarin) with Jay Chou songs.

Now if that’s not hilarious by itself, I’ve discovered that my mom has accidentally taught Tiffany the wrong lyrics because Jay Chou mumbles.

I love my family.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

I’m home!

And stuffed with Chinese food. :D

Apparently since I’ve been gone, my family has acquired a “pet rabbit”. It lives under the shed in our frigid wasteland of a backyard. My mom is still traumatized from finding the frozen carcass of a baby bunny from the Winter of 2008, so she’s determined to keep this one alive by leaving it lots of food.

According to my sisters, it’s now enormous.

So now, my family call this bunny “小胖“ (Small Fattie) and my dad often inquires about its health when he comes home:

“How is 小胖 doing?”

I can’t make stuff like this up.

I love my family.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

So after cramming a 150 years of Chinese history into my brain and late night study sessions with Andrea and Kelsey for what turned out to be the easiest midterm ever, and finding out that I’ve been approved to study abroad (Hong Kong is within sight! yes!)… my body decided that it would conk out on me.

Accidental five hour naps are kind of a blessing in disguise.(It was glorious. I went to bed at nearly 5 AM last night.)

Now I’m listening to the fantastic Shiina Ringo music Inez gave me and trying to get through all my Japanese Civ readings and my Chinese homework.

My body’s been weird for the past hour or so. I hope it’s just stress/asthma or allergies acting up and I’m not actually getting sick. I can’t get sick right now.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

Basically, I watched Zombieland last week and have had zombies on the brain (ahaha, terrible yet entirely unintentional pun) ever since. Because zombie movies= instant hilarity and lots of blood and gore. What’s not to love?

So naturally, I’ve complied a playlist because I don’t already have enough to do during midterms week. (Fun fact: this also doubles as my “run like you stole something”/work out playlist.]

Stacy’s Zombie Apocalypse Playlist

1. Muse– Apocalypse Please

2. The Clash–London Calling

3. Michael Jackson–Thriller

4. Tool–Jambi

5. R.E.M.– I Walked With a Zombie

6. The UNC Clefhangers– Time is Running Out [Muse cover]

7. Queen–Another One Bites the Dust

8. Voltaire– When You’re Evil

9. Leslie Hall–Zombie Killer

10. Muse–Sing for Absolution

11. Nirvana–Smells Like Team Spirit

12. Muse–Stockholm Syndrome

13. Queen–Don’t Stop Me Now (This is only on here because of this epic scene in Shaun of the Dead)

14. Zombinas and the Skeletones–Nobody Likes You When You’re Dead

15. Muse–Assassin

16. Jonathan Coulton–Re: Your Brains

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makes me wish that I could move to some place sunny so I wouldn’t have to deal with seasonal affective disorder.

Sun, slight breeze, incredible blue skies.

All I’m asking.

(Oh, and wifi. I think I just ruined it.)

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I bumped into Liz and Inez at Starbucks. :D

I should not be allowed to go into drugstores alone. Or at least, I shouldn’t be allowed to go into them with my debit card because I always walk out $30 poorer.

I watched Zombieland (finally!) with Melody and it’s quite possibly my new favorite movie. I know I’m a little a weird about zombie (I’m actually making a zombie apocalypse playlist right now). I find the entire genre of zombie films hilarious and fascinating.

It helps that I’m a fan of action movies so  chase scenes/gratuitous violence and gore don’t deter me– quite the opposite, really. The dialogue in Zombieland is pretty fantastic– there are some great one-liners:

“Thank god for rednecks.”

“No! She’s only famous when she’s Hannah Montana! She’s only famous when she’s wearing the wig!”

“I hate coconut! Not the taste, but the consistency.”

“When Tallahassee goes Hulk on a zombie, he sets the standard for “not to be fucked with”.”

“You’re like a giant… cock blocking robot, like developed in a secret fucking government lab.”

I think it says something about me that despite having an arsenal of reasons why I should work out more often than three times a week (health/vanity, etc.)– what will get my ass to the gym is the prospect of a zombie apocalypse and myself being one of the first victims. (Rule #1: Cardio, I’m really really terrible at running and I don’t want to become an undead.)

So yeah, tomorrow afternoon– hauling my ass to the gym. I have no plans on becoming one of those fatties in the movie because goddamn, I may have asthma and suck at running– I will survive a freaking zombie apocalypse if one should ever occur.  Especially since (haha) my life does depend on it.

Andy and I stayed up too late to watch Down with Love, the Taiwanese drama starring Ella from S.H.E. whom I love and adore. The drama itself is hilarious, sometimes unintentionally so, as most Taiwanese dramas are.

Evan, Andrea, and I finally have a time set for getting together for dinner tomorrow. Life is awesome. :)

And I am terribly tired. I do not understand why I always stay up so late when my favorite place in the whole wide world is my bed. Or possibly Hong Kong. But you know,  my bed is a close second.

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Snow day!

So I’m now inclined to believe that there is a god and I’ve been sacrificing virgins or baby cows to this wondrous deity in my sleep or something. There are no words to describe how much I needed this snow day, despite finishing my paper proposal at freaking 4 AM in the morning.

I do have mixed feelings about the King of Prussia trip being canceled tomorrow, especially since I planned to go with friends. I’ve been in the mood for some major retail therapy. I wanted to buy a hat, a pair of comfortable heels (I need all the help I can get since I’m so vertically challenged), and a white dress for May Day.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

So it’s “holy shit midterms and tests and everything is due” week. I’ve skipped a couple of classes and meals and have become an insomniac. I also managed to lose my voice for a couple of days (by ‘losing’ I mean that my voice alternated between sounding like that of a pixie fairy and that of a chainsmoking man).

Anyway, I have my Chinese oral tomorrow and I’m in nowhere prepared because the lessons we’re being quizzed on are “post office” d “sightseeing” the vocab in both sections are not my forte. If I need to know how to say “人老珠黃” ["women grow old and pearls turn yellow", idiom] tomorrow, I may just punch myself in the face. I also have a paper proposal for my CITIES class tomorrow and I haven’t even started and I need it to be done by noon because I have to catch a train at 12:20 to Philly so I help out at a Chinatown charter school. So, um. Yeah.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

Guilty pleasure song.

I get so nostalgic about this song, ahahaha. I remember when I used to listen to this on repeat and sing along. Now I think I only liked it because it’s within my range– but I do like the first verse, especially the first two lines: “breathe in for luck/breathe in so deep”.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

So today Andrea commented that I am terrible at taking care of myself, and I kinda have to agree. I stay up too late for no reason at all, am prone to getting sick, and will often forget/not eat unless I make lunch or dinner plans with friends¹.

My head floods with thoughts and dizziness; the after effects of too little sleep, the grease of dinner, and weak caffeine coursing through my veins. My heart stutters, stops, continues, as Vienna Teng’s voice haunts my subconscious and send chills down my spine.

And the words: they’re everything and nothing
I want to search for her in the offhand remarks

My voice is like gravel right now. I’m wondering if I’m heading towards a mini-breakdown because I have so much work, so little time, and it’s just like my body to suddenly decide that it’s been treating me pretty decently for a couple of weeks–so bam!– sore throat and a tension headache blooming at my temples.

1. There are reasons why I have stand-in lunch dates with certain amazing people [↩]

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Seeing characters you need to memorize in your mind’s eye (chill out, you’ve got this), not living in Communist China–let’s just leave it at that, feeling remarkably awake even after an all-nighter, terrible 80s music (~hit me with your best shot!~), even more terrible 90s bubblegum pop (~sometimes she’s wrong/sometimes I’m right/sometimes we talk about and we figure it out/but then she just changes her mind), good literature (Wild Swans is captivating), pinning my hair up into ridiculous mini-buns, believing that everything will fall into place– I just need to trust myself.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

Screw you, bed.

I definitely did not need a four hour nap today!

TO DO LIST:

1. Chinese homework/review of characters I still don’t know how to write (read: all).
2. Finish Wild Swans + paper.
3. Get at least 4 hrs of shelving done tomorrow, submit time sheet.
4. Prepare for my individual conference for tomorrow because I don’t know anything from this lesson.

Breaking out the Red Bull.

A lot of my favorite music puts me to sleep. I need more nu-metal and heavy rock songs.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

Use lyrics from one artist or band to answer the questions:

1. Are you male or female?:

I’m a little good girl
I’m a little good girl

OLIVIA–Walk On By

2. Describe yourself:

Oh I, I might be small
but it doesn’t mean I can’t reach the sky
I, I might be weak
but it doesn’t mean you can knock me down

OLIVIA–Dress Me Up [English]

3. How do some people feel about you?:

The devil is in me
The devil is in me
The devil is in me
Oh no

OLIVIA–Devil’s in Me

4. How do you feel about yourself?:

i ja nai kara
Dekinai futotte iru kara
Dekinai atama itai kara
Dekinai hatachi sugite iru kara
Dekinai jikan ga nai kara
Dekinai umaku nai kara
Dekinai nemui kara
Dekinai kyou wa tsukareta kara

English translation:
I can’t because I’m not beautiful,
I can’t because I’m fat
I can’t because I have a headache,
I can’t because I’m over 20 years old
I can’t because I have no time,
I can’t because I’m not good at it
I can’t because I’m sleepy,
I can’t because I’m tired today

OLIVIA– Dekinai

5. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend/interest:

I watch you look out the window
Into the luminous blue sky
With eyes of loneliness
As if you had to go

What will it take to win your smile?
Does it help for you to know
That nothing can break my love for you
Believe in me, if you need to believe

OLIVIA–Space Halo

6. Where would you rather be?:

I want to be up high up with the sun
Disappear completely into love
I want to be up high up where I can
See the secret roads

OLIVIA–Celestial Delinquent

7. Describe what you want to be:

Come back into the world shiny and new
I will meet you there when everything’s okay
We’ll have a good old time together
I’ll have new ideas
I’ll be able to laugh
I’ll be able to love myself

OLIVIA–Dreamcamp

8. Describe how you live:

I am tripping out on myself
I am tripping out on myself
I have to watch my thoughts
Before they come to life
Before they come to life

I have to get you out of my head
I have to swallow my tongue
I have to find where I went
Before she comes to life
Before she comes to life

OLIVIA–Mint

9. Describe how you love:

I want to believe in love
I want to believe this feeling
That I feel deeply for you
But if you can’t
Turn away and go
Don’t turn back
And I’ll do the same

OLIVIA–Alone in our Castle

10. Share a few words of wisdom:

It’s what you make it
It’s how you see it
It’s how you take it
It’s your own design

OLIVIA–Slow-Mo

I’m not entirely satisfied with some of the answers (they’re tricky, since a lot of OLIVIA’s songs are Japanese. And even when they’re in English, they’re kind of whimsical and quirky in the first place).

I love, love OLIVIA. That is all. :D

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

Things I Dislike:

1. Wearing socks/shoes/slippers inside a building… I like padding around bare-foot but I’ve learned that’s a bad idea in a dormitory setting. I stepped on a thumbtack earlier this year. :[

Things That Freak Me Out:

1. When my cell phone’s screen suddenly lights up for no reason whatsoever when I’m trying to sleep. The room’s dark, and then all of the sudden– bam! sudden white light! It makes me want to hide under my covers for forever.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

Jesus, I am actually drawing a flow chart/family tree for my Japanese Civ reading.

We’re covering the first book of The Tale of Heike and I can’t keep anyone’s names straight (and I’m usually decent with names) which is a major problem. Plus I have to do a write-up for this and I’m so not up for discussing the role of gender in this piece when I can’t even remember who’s who. I should probably dispose of this piece of paper because I have notes like “JERK WHO EXECUTED HALF-BROTHER AND HIS FAMILY” scrawled on the margins, but hey, if it helps me remember…

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is getting lighter and I can see the sun peeping up over the hills.

I wish my brain would shut off at sane hours instead of slowing down when people are waking up.

I have to be up in a few hours for Plenary.

I’ll nap ’til then.

Then I’m going to find myself a tankard of caffeinated goodness. I’ll need it.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

New Moon was terrible as expected¹ and LOVE*COM was weirdly charming and I may or may not have projected onto it.

Not to sound like an Avril Lavigne song, but seriously, I’m starting to wonder if there’s something wrong with me– if I’m a tad bit defective, and that’s why I can’t have a happy ending.

Or, you know, it might just be that I’m really picky like I am with everything.

I just watched the Curse of the Golden Flower trailer and I’m pretty sure that the movie should have been titled CHINESE MOVIE FEATURING GONG LI AND HER MAGNIFICENT BOSOM. Seriously. I’m starting to think that Gong Li has discovered the elixir of life. Or she has a portrait of herself stashed under her bed aging for her.

1. I can’t imagine anyone paying to see it [↩]

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

1. What’s up with me losing everything today? This is so not on. I’m upset over losing my favorite earring, it took me ten minutes for me to locate my iPod this morning, and another five minutes to find my iPod USB cable. :[

2. Aikawa Nanase and Shiina Ringo are the Queens of Japanese Rock.

3. As much as I love Hell Week and I like being a sophomore rep (so I know all the behind-the-scenes stuff!), I am so exhausted and can’t wait for it to be over. I am, however, excited to see my hellee all gussied up for the traditional Crashing the Shipley Dance! I told her that she needed to collect numbers from all the boys– but they had to be written on her body. :P Yes, I’m mean. But my heller made me do the same thing last year– so it’s tradition!

4. I need to get my hands on some more J-rock songs. Where did Luna Sea, Uverworld, and The Pillows go?! (I still have the FLCL soundtracks though.)

I lost a lot of my collection during the Great Data Migration of ‘08 (translation: got a new macbook, old computer refused to give up some of my music, manga, and old writing–woeangst). I keep listening to Shiina Ringo and while I still rank OLIVIA my favorite Japanese artist ever (and favorite artist in general, she’s really that amazing)  Haiiro no Hitomi gives me chills. Shiina Ringo is a goddess.

5. I can’t wait to watch New Moon at the Campus Center. I hate the Twilight series and everything it stands for (DEAR IMPRESSIONABLE YOUNG WOMEN, please know that you should totally abandon your family for the selfish reason of being with your STATESQUE ASSHOLE UNDEAD LOVE) but at least it brings the lulz. If it’s truly painful, I have a stand-in date with Netflix. I can’t wait to see Love*Com.

6. Today was a “no make up day”. Stress and Hell week have caused havoc on my skin. Sleep schedule? Completely disrupted. That said, I’m surprised it’s not worse. Looks like my skin is on the mend!

I’ve gotten used to wearing make up just because a) I like sparkly things b) I need to wear blusher or I look like a ghost c) spending three minutes in the morning gives me a chance to orient myself /to get myself human before stepping out the door.

I also like to look nice. And I try to look nice. (I try really hard to look nice, okay.) On days when I go “screw it, I’m too tired to bother” I will inevitably bump into someone I like/want to impress. Every time. I just like to play it safe.

Waaatch me me bump into someone I like and become completely mortified. No make up, mussed up hair, my loosest pair of jeans, and a Columbia fleece. (I ought to do something about my bangs– they’re getting too long again.)

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1. I am currently crying on the inside because of my CITIES abstract. Not because it’s hard, but because I don’t want to do it. Siiiiigh.

2. I think I smell like chocolate. This really perplexes me.

3. Where did all my Shiina Ringo music go? I only have “La Salle de Bain”, “I Won’t Last a Day Without You”, and “Haiiro no Hitomi”.

4. I’ve had Daft Punk’s “Around the World” stuck in my head for the past few hours. Consequently, I think I’m becoming a little unhinged.

5. A guy from my discussion group was talking about the video game, Devil May Cry, and now I’m really curious about it. I heard about it ages ago but never played it (since my ‘rents didn’t like ‘em).  Yay violent video games.

6. Sometimes the Bi-Co is far too small. That or I’m too particular/picky.

7.  Blackboard is having issues. There’s a glitch in the system so it says I’m not enrolled in any of my classes (save for my Chinese class last semester, not helpful) so I can’t access the audio for my Chinese homework due tomorrow. Sign that I should not do my Chinese homework? I think so.

8. I’m trying to decide if it’ll be too weird (even for me) to go up to the next person I know and ask them if I smell like chocolate. I don’t think I’m imagining it! My perfume smells like berries , black currant, and a dash of vanilla (and Van has even said that it smells like lavender) but it’s not at all chocolate-y.

9. I am hungry and should probably feed myself before I keel over. I wish I could buy milk from the Bryn Mawr bookshop or something– but that would probably mean I would live off of Honey-nut Cheerios.

10. I really want another navel earring.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

So yesterday I was in an incredibly foul mood because the girls who live on either side of me set their alarms at insane hours of the morning. One of them set their clock for 4 AM and I had just finished some work and trying to succumb to sweet, blessed unconsciousness when her alarm went off. … And kept going. … And kept going. She’s not in crew and her first class is at 10 or 11 AM, so I really don’t know why she keeps doing this?

This happens every day and I’m usually okay because I sleep with my noise-canceling earbuds in, but I feel like I need to have a talk to her.

ME: … So, do you know that your alarm is set for 4 AM? …Because I know. <– I wish I could say that.

But yeah, if this happens again– I’m going to talk to her. I was in a total bitch “I HATE SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS AND BUNNIES WITH PANCAKES ON THEIR HEADS” mood yesterday.
But! Hell Week officially started yesterday at sundown and Melody is such a good sport. One of her Hell Week tasks was to ask people “Have you accepted the love of Severus Snape into your heart today?”

She printed out fliers; complete with a picture of a brooding Alan Rickman and instructions on the back on how to be “saved” by Severus Snape.

Today, one of her tasks was to wear all her eyeshadows. At the same time. Her first attempt was zombie extra-esque and her second attempt made her look like a victim of an unfortunate mugging. :D

(Also, tomorrow, she has to interject with “c’est ce qu’elle a dit” (that’s what she said) in her French class at every opportune moment.)

My hellee > your hellee.

So today’s shaping up to be a lot better than yesterday. I’ve witnessed countless Hell Week shenanigans, received Zombieland (finally, Netflix, finally!) and Love*Com in the mail, got two other packages (one of them containing my super comfortable new rainboots). I skipped my Chinese drills class and my Chinese professor (thankfully, not the one who conducts drills!) told me that she has already finished and sent my recommendation letter for my internship. We had a fascinating discussion on the Japanese Buddhist interpretation of Hell today in class.
All and all, I’m pleased. :D I’m probably going to skip my PE class today because I have to catch up on schoolwork. I’ve been very good about going to my classes this semester– I feel like this should be okay.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

whine and cheese; please ignore.

I am so tired right now. On the bright side, I managed to complete my hellee’s schedule and it’s only about eight freaking pages because I’m a little crazy. I finished my discussion question for Chinese Revolution, copied some notes from a class I missed, am currently thoroughly knackered.

However,  I still have  a bazillion pages to read for CITIES, a lesson to review for Chinese, and a lot of Chinese history to catch up on right now but all I can really think of is “bed, now”. I had a Red Bull earlier and there was a slight caffeine spike (followed by a headache) and really, I’m reading all these words and nothing’s sinking in. I think I’m calling it a night and hopefully waking up early tomorrow to get some more work done.

In other words, I need to post some passive-aggressive post-it notes by my bed that says stuff like “WAKE UP” and “DON’T FAIL CHINESE” and even “IF YOU DON’T DO THE READINGS, YOUR FAVORITE PROF WOULD BE VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU”. I need to find a way to shorten the last one so it’ll actually fit on a post-it note.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

Inspiration always strikes when I already have my plate full.

One of my short fiction pieces has been sitting in Google Docs, untouched, since winter break and now I suddenly have a dozen ideas and perfect turn-of-phrases.

Because of course, this is how life works.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

I just realized that I’m crazy particular with carrels the same way my mom is crazy particular with parking spaces.

You see, whenever my mom goes anywhere– she is obsessed with finding the perfect parking space. It has to be near the entrance of the store and it has to be roomy (also preferably with neighbors with cars with sliding doors so there’s not a chance of them scratching her car).

It’s just one of her Things and I always make fun of her for it (“Mom, stop stalking that poor woman. Why don’t we park here? It’s only an extra fifteen steps.” “That’s not the point, I want to park there.”).

When I’m trying to find a carrel in Canaday, I look for one that’s not in open space (I don’t like studying in open spaces) so it has to be somewhat tucked into a corner. It has to have somewhat good lighting and it has to be near an outlet so I can charge my laptop. I also feel a bit weird about studying at a carrel that has someone has signed out (even if there’s nothing on the carrel itself) so it has to be owner-less.

And in even less exciting news, I am a little stressed and overwhelmed by my TO DO list because Hell Week starts tomorrow at sundown! YOU GO BRYN MAWR COCO.

Last night, I was totally lame and went to bed right after the EAS Chinese New Year dinner because I was tired and exhausted. I literally fell into bed at 8:30 PM and woke up at 7 AM more refreshed than I have in quite some time. So obviously, I should give up any chance of a proper social life and adopt the bedtime of a five year old.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

I spent my Saturday afternoon catching up on readings for a couple of my classes (I’m still behind!) with Andy. Then we had a dogsitting job at Van’s.

I swear Andrea and I are the world’s boringest people.

At Van’s, we did even more homework/studying and we watched a History Channel documentary on Atlantis, Penelope, and two episodes of Jackie Chan Adventures (which, by the way, is still amazing) ’cause we’re total nerds.

新年快樂 indeed. :D

I am going to be so sad when my Chinese relatives decide that I’m too old and do not deserve 紅包/red envelopes. This is the only time of the year when I appreciate being treated like I’m fourteen and not an adult. (The other day Chinese professor asked a somewhat rhetorical questions; if we were patted on the head by adults as children. While other people said yes, I may or may not have muttered “… I still get that”. Which is sadly true.  I think it comes with being short.)

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Sophomore Year by Stacy

I wish I could just turn my brain off so I can stop remembering things I don’t need to remember–of individuals I’m better off simply forgetting.

I feel like I have tired melodies of heartbreak and missed opportunities crosshatched into my skin, the shape of the words–lyrics–bitter and dry in my mouth.

And it’s not like I can’t compartmentalize, but do I really want to dissect every fleeting thought and emotion in hopes of finding an answer that may not be there?

And all it really boils down to is this: I need sleep, I need to stop overanalyzing, I need to shut down. The sky has turned from black to an pre-dawn midnight blue and in the past five minutes I’ve gone from feeling overheated to shaking from chills because I need to stop and sleep.

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Sophomore Year by Stacy